The mood is kinda damp here. Need to lighten up a little. =) CHRISTMAS IS COMING SOON.

it came back again.

i wonder, if this time it is for real.

thoughts gushed through my mind all of a sudden.

i stopped breathing.again.

a small partial hope is there.

but i have to block block and just block.

i've been through this before.

idarenotassume

if i do.

it's going to hurt.

alot.

what irony, i have thoughts of wanting to go through pain just so i would really feel what is it like. yet, we do anything just to prevent ourselves from feeling any pain.

emotionally

physically

fill my mind up. don't leave it empty.

let my hand hold something. never leave it bare.

finding the right words to describe. it's not joy. it's not sadness.

glad.grateful.happy

I don't know. Can I just push all of this away and just immersed myself into something else.

I'm afraid to free fall. Afraid to free fall into something where there is nothing to hold me back.

.......................................................................................................................................................

well I don't know. Seriously this is a cue for me to start getting busy again! haha.. I can't find 2 of my most favourite hair band. Glossy white and matte black.

Meet Barry! My new companion. =)

with love

Happy Winter Solstice Festival

I totally emo'ed yesterday! Okay, I know in the end people would tell me that it isn't that big of a deal but seriously, asked me why I emo'ed I probably won't know how to answer. haha

I think it was because I thought I screwed up(well I kinda did) right from the beginning and the fact that I had to get it right the first time cuz there wasn't any backup. T_T the feeling stayed even though after that we came to a conclusion that it wasn't my faul.t

I bet what's going through your mind is, " what the hell is this girl talking about?! "

haha

Yesterday, after leaving Emily's house, my mum asked me to make the dumplings when I got home. So I went home, I didn't start until it was around 6.30pm. So I was kind of nervous because it's my first time. So I took the flour, on the packet it says pulut. Glutinous rice flour, well that should be right! It smelled right. haha

So then I started adding the water and mixing, I felt relieved because it started forming into a dough form, and I was thinking wow, it's going right..

WRONG!

aih..I thought I added too much water because then it became REALLY sticky so I called my mum to ask. She said to add tapioca flour. So I did, then it got better but after that it got sticky again! argh.. I was thinking, "please don't screw this up (x 100 times)"

see! even the dough colour WAS OUT! It was suppose to be PURE white. Like the flour you see. One thing after another, I decided to just split it and add colour, but I forgot that you only need a few drops to make the dough pink/red enough. I added almost a tea spoon full! I think I was thinking of making red eggs instead of dumplings.

RED right?! My mum did buy some pre-made dough. But it was really little, and I added it to the one that I made. Texture was so different, the one I made was really coarse where as the pre-made one was really fine. But the pre-made dough, colour pretty much sucks cuz the people in the market super kiam siap. Can't even tell that it is pink.

Anyway, now I realised they were both different type of dough because I was trying to knead them together but failed.

Called mum again but she went for her class already, so had to wait for her to come back.

Mum came back, checked and say yeah. Something is not right. The texture too coarse etc etc.. I started to feel even worse and started to emo a little. She tried cooking a dumpling or two just to see if its okay or edible. I tried one and it was horrible. Gagged

So we went out to see if any shops were still opened. Sadly none cuz it was closed to 11pm. So, yeah, emo'ed. Luckily this morning, market near my home did sell and they were less kiam siap with the dye too! The pink is really nice!

Such a relief!~ haha.

It's the rules..

Scariest words I've heard the whole day.

Watch SAW 1 and oh my gosh.. So many people say that it is a good movie. Again, I am not a fan of horror films. It's too scary and disturbing.Psychotic. I was stunned after the movie, thank goodness I watched it with Emily. I wonder who created that storyline.

Right after that, we found out that Brittany Murphy passed away! Another stunned moment. I wasn't sure how to react. Was already stunned by the movie and then heard about Brittany Murphy's death over the net. sigh. So many deaths of celebrities over the year.

It's really scary now, so many deaths and it makes you think about what on Earth is going on?? Drugs, medication are taking over and no matter how much people do to fight against it, it seems the battle is not on our side. People still rely on them. =(

SO many things going through my mine now. Comic Fiesta is over and yeah. haha Lots of things to share I suppose. =) I'm finally back home. Didn't touch my homework since Friday. So feeling some guilt in me now.

Together with Emily and Sean. haha so good to see Sean again! too bad we couldn't go back to the photo sticker booth. Like last year.

I'm not a very big anime fan or into cosplaying. But honestly if you were to ask me if I were to go for this Comic Fiesta again next year I would say yeah, why not. I don't know why though. Maybe it's an event for me to go and see or a time to be with my friends.

dolls that were on display. Some of these dolls are so erotic. haha. Sexayy dolls.

:D

With Emily and her sis Marianne, day 1 before heading off to Sunway Pyramid.

This year's Comic Fiesta isn't as great as last years. The booth's weren't as interesting. Last year there were more handicraft booths than this year. But I still spent my money on stuff. Found the booth that made the cute hand phone straps last year. hehe remember last year's chobits hair band? The one that looks like cat ears. I got another type this year. I wanted the flower head piece the it got sold off and I wanted to order but the girl didn't call me back. So oh well, not meant to be mine I suppose.

The preparation. With less than just 3 hours to sleep and trying to get the obi right~ woo accomplishment! =) hehe Had no idea or any clue how on Earth to tie the obi. It's hard even with the directions.

did a rehearsal the night before. This was on the day itself. haha It's kinda fun. =) I wouldn't mind doing it again though. Malaysian style obi belt, secret to it? Pins and towels! =P

This time Comic Fiesta brings a different experience for me. =) Tiring but interesting. I wouldn't want to do it often but once a year is good enough. hehe. Helping my friends prepare for their cosplay. Fixing wardrobe malfunctions. I didn't help much but it was interesting. I kinda tied and obi belt! And it worked!!! *beaming proudly* haha No idea how the Japanese people do it seriously. We had to make it work by stitching and a whole lot of pins!

characters from xxxHolic. Emily, Venus(this girl is so tall and slim! makes you go *ga ga* ) and Marianne

can you see my purple highlight?! =) the can we bought wasn't cheap! I haven't been spending and poof in two days..omg. bye bye money. The can is not working now. I'm thinking it's really wasted. I didn't make full use of it. Was planning to wear it to college =P

oh yeah, the wing'ed ear hair band I bought. lolx yearly collection of mine. last year was the chobit/cat ears.

and again

I did buy 5 diff coloured hair bands. ^^V my fetish. Coloured hair bands. Still not complete though! Many more colours for me to explore. hehe Got my hair dyed, there is some difference but WAY TOO SUBTLE. sobs =(

The next time I plan to get my hair dyed I'm going to the professionals. Apparently I can't choose hair colour for myself very well. But my next mission is to get purple highlights! Thanks to Emily for the idea, thanks to the broken spray can. Nice colour but couldn't make full use of it cuz the can totally failed with a P..PHAILED! ugh.

the sisters

I met this boy, Joel (yes, I'm calling this guy a BOY) from Comic Fiesta, friends of Marianne's. Kye Chin's bf. haha Poor thing, kena bullied by 2 seniors, Emily and I. =P Too adorable

Christmas is coming soon and oh my god~ Found the videos that Jia Von made with our faces in in. Laughed till I dropped. Look so ridiculous and yet so funny. Can't stop laughing every time I see the videos. I think it's cause we never imagined ourselves doing that and when you see yourself on the screen dancing country dance and popping out of cuckoo clocks. It's just hilarious!

You can check it out and have a good laugh at Jia Von's (click it!) blog and at my Facebook (click it) . Click it and have a good laugh. In the spirit of Christmas. lol.

Thanks Jia Von for making that video. For remembering us and putting us into the video.

xoxo!

I suddenly feel like painting my nails. haha

Hey!

I can't believe Christmas is just round the corner! *shakes head in denial* cannot cannot. It's too soon! 2nd week of holiday is about to pass. sobs. I got no new pictures to share either.

These past 2 days I've been feeling tired. But it's like the good kind of tired you know. The type you feel it's worth it. It's because it's productive. =) Feels like got some motivation already.

Comic Fiesta '09 this Sat and Sun. Looking forward for this years. lolx never would have thought that I would be interested in Comic Fiesta. hehe. Hopefully I get to see "someone" cosplay =)

Gonna try to log in less into Facebook. Maybe try for one week of not logging in. Have to prove that I could get away from this Facebook addiction. lolx.

Addicted to Facebook. I don't even know why, I don't even do anything inside there other than upload pictures.

Crazy~ Facebook is a drug. Time Killer. lol

Live like we're dying..

by Kris Allen, love that song.

I actually never understood why girls go "gah gah" and "googly" eyes over Robert Pattinson aka Edward Cullen. Even when I watched New Moon, I thought Jacob was way more good looking and chiseled! But then again, when I watched New Moon, I actually have not watch Twilight. So I watched it the other day..and yes, I think I understand why everyone is crazy of Edward Cullen.

I found back all the pictures from year 2005. Really went down memory lane until the point where I felt nostalgic. I remember saying that I do not miss high school and I prefer primary school rather than secondary school. But looking at these pictures, you see all the funny things and look pass all the bad ones.

Anyway, 1 week of my holidays have officially passed.. And I have completed zero homework! Hurray me! =P I did my autocad for construction drawing. Not complete of course and I forgot how to use autocad! *dies* A lot of commands I've forgotten. Luckily my lecturer asked us to use autocad, cuz if not I would totally ignore it.

But it's fun! Next thing to conquer is 3D Max. haha I'm slow with it. I wonder who has touched or done their ID work. I have got to do it one way or another. 3 more weeks left!

I'm feeling pretty intense. Really wanting to know more about what is design. Beginning in foundation I thought arts was arts..ID,Graphic etc are all arts. Yes they are but design is involved. So what is design?? What sets a good design apart from others? How does one appreciate design and how does one look at it.

So many things to learn and from where to begin? It feels really exciting because I feel that there is something more to it and I want to know more about it. It feels frustrating sometimes because I don't feel like I have that knack, niche or natural talent. The phobia kicks when when I think about if there is such thing as "the course is not suitable for me" or "I'm not meant to do this". But then another thought comes in, the only thing that matters is whether you want it or not. Simple as that.

And of course the effort you put in and the attitude you have. Positivity and being open to all possibilities is important. Learning to accept or believe that 1+1 ≠ 2

I hope I would be able to enjoy and know what is it all about. Call me crazy and childish but talking about it makes me feel that there is another realm that exist. A reality, but just a different type of reality. Talking is easy, typing is easy but really doing it takes a lot of effort.

Christmas is coming around the corner~ What do I want? I want to celebrate it with my family and friends! Both college and high school friends. =) that would great! triple celebration. By next month I would be out again. I'm not expecting anything like I did with last time. But I really hope that everything goes well.

I'm running out of things to write about so I'm going to start rambling. I wish our college have more events or have more things going on.. Like prom night for MIA, and have things going on for little things like Valentine's day, Mooncake Festival etc etc. hmm maybe there are things like that going on but I'm just too ignorant to notice. hehe

sadly, it's a lil hard to achieve all that because every department is different, our semesters are short and workload is a lot. So...no time?

hmm nasi goreng kampung. Most popular Ala Carte' dish last time. lolx